τοο shγ το scrεαm {ρrινατε- βrοκεηDrεαms ; mατυrε?}

BrokenDreams

I watched him plop down in another of my beanbags with a laugh and I actually felt my lips turn up into a smile. It was kind of nice to see an actual smile on the kids face, he was always so gloomy at school that I was secretly glad I could make him a little happy. When he turned to me I didn't bother to wipe away the smile this time "yeah I figured you wouldn't being a guy and all" I said and put my finger thoughtfully to my lips. "Hmm..." a sudden idea struck me and my eyes lit up, I looked over at him in excitement and reached forward grabbing his hand in both of mine "I have a great idea!"

"I was thinking, everyones baby clothes and projects are going to be pretty much the same right?" I asked and waited for his nod of agreement before forging on "well I don't want ours to be like that. I think we should do a line of clothing for babies that is not the norm, like say you're style!" I motioned to his outfit, releasing his hand in the process. "We could make like Tripp Pants for babies and some renegade onesies, oh and we can't forget the girls dresses..." I said trailing off before looking back over at him quickly. "Oh well that is if you want to do that, I mean I would need your help. Plus we should dress in the same style for our presentation so I would have to go shopping, maybe you could come along and help me" I turned a radiant smile on him and noticed the overwhelmed look on his face. My face fell "I'm sorry I didn't mean to go overboard, we can do something else if you want?" I said and clasped my hands in my lap biting my lip.

I knew this was a risky idea from the start but I wanted to do something different for once. I figured my other classmates would be amused and if they weren't I could always say if was his idea and pawn the whole idea off on him. Somehow that thought made me feel guilty, how confusing.

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GothLoliKitty

{ I'd ~~die~~ if you only met my eyes }

I laughed at her words; he truly was a prick and everyone knew it. I was just a little surprised no one had thought to call him that yet. His name was one letter different. Perhaps it was on everyone's mind, but they were too afraid to risk their already diminishing grade. Probably the case. The kids at the school were expected to be scholars. It was obvious some weren't meant for great things. Scratch that - most weren't.

I followed her inside, my stomach turning. Butterflies flew in a frenzy, twisting my insides into knots. I was in her house. Most people would kill to be in this house. And I was lucky enough to get in. And smart enough not to tell anyone. This was a win for the freak. That, and no one would believe me. In any case, I didn't care if anyone knew. I'd know and that was enough.

Seating myself in a similar beanbag close by, I fell back into it with a short laugh. I hadn't sat in a bean bag chair since around second grade. My mom had gotten rid of my blue one about that time, saying I was too old for one. I missed it. They sure were comfortable.

"So, how should we start this? I don't really have much expertise in the baby clothing department, if you know what I mean..." I was pretty sure she understood. First off, I was a guy. And second, I pretty much wore all black. Babies obviously didn't wear all black. Or much dark colors at all for that matter. I figured she'd be better at planning, I'd do the grunt work. Or whatever she told me to. Let her take the lead. She'd probably rather be the leader anyway.

[Sorry my reply took so long D: I was sick]

{ Will you pause to ~~break~~ my heart? }

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Recent Movies: Up ; What Happens In Vegas ; The Road To El Dorado ; The Haunting In Connecticut ; Donnie Darko (yes, again xD)

BrokenDreams

I actually found I agreed with what he was saying and found myself giggling at his last statement "trust me I know, oh how do I know" I said and rolled my eyes at the thought of our teacher. "Maybe they should rename him Mr. Prickey, it wouldn't be that far off after all" I said and giggled agian at the thought of maybe accidently calling him that in the next class session when he gave me and F.

We turned down a street with modest three story houses, I say modest because they are nothing like the mansion on the top of the hill. Of course we had a pool and a hottub out back but we all agreed that we didn't feel like having to climb twenty sets of stairs just to get from our room to the kitchen. I pulled a key from a chain around my neck and headed towards an ivory colored house with a pale blue door, I unlocked it and threw open the door motioning him inside. I was instantly at ease now, I was home alone and I could be myself. I wasn't worried about Sean seeing what I was really like because it wouldn't really matter. If he tried to tell people what I was like at home they wouldn't listen because he was an emo freak that was probably making up stories to sound cool. Or at least that's what the rest of the school would think.

I headed up the stairs that were carpeted in a plush deep blue carpet like the rest of the house and waved him to follow me up. When we made it to my room I smiled and turned back to Sean who stood inside the door. My room was decorated in midnight blue and silver, my two favorite colors, and it was huge. I knew it must look like a whole apartment in one room but I didn't say anything as I moved over to plop my bag down on my bed and motioned to any of the beanbag chairs around the room "you might as well get comfy" I said and plopped into a silver beanbag.

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GothLoliKitty

{ I'd ~~die~~ if you only met my eyes }

When the bell rang, I threw my bag over my shoulder, noticing Claire was already gone. Whatever. I didn't expect her to wait, so I wasn't disappointed. I dropped my extra books off at my locker before going to meet her outside by the tacky statue. It was such a waste of money. And ugly as hell at that. The brunettes and blonds giggled, moving away from me as I walked through the crowd, getting slightly shoved by the guys. Idiots. Big, pigeon-brained, idiots. They had more brawn than brains, and the funny thing was, the girls here went for that. Huh. Superficial. Not that I expected more.

I met up with her, nodded a greeting. I followed along beside her. I figured she lived pretty close since she could walk, but then again, wasn't she into sports? A short walk for them was, like, five miles. Oh well. It wasn't super bright out. I could deal with it. The awkward silence was broken by a question.

"So...uh...that math homeworks crap, huh?" Claire asked. I could tell I made her nervous. I made everyone nervous. No one wanted to be seen with me, talk to me, make eye contact with me. I knew she was just being polite, making small talk. I also knew she probably didn't want me to agree with her. Something in common. But everyone hated math, surely that was known. So I agreed anyway. Plus, there was no one around to hear them. Most kids drove to their big mansion-houses on the top of the hill. We were headed towards a smaller neighborhood. "Yeah, math's horrible. I have no idea what Mr. Prinkey is trying to teach half the time. And the other half of the time, I don't bother to pay attention. I don't have much patience for numbers, ya know?" Maybe she didn't. It kinda just popped out of my mouth.

{ Will you pause to ~~break~~ my heart? }

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Recent Movies: Up ; What Happens In Vegas ; The Road To El Dorado ; The Haunting In Connecticut ; Donnie Darko (yes, again xD)

BrokenDreams

I finally gave up after the teacher walked by and shook his head in disappointment, I even raised my pencil as I thought about throwing it at him but set it down with a grumble. I didn't need detention. I folded my arms across my chest and amused myself for the last ten minutes of the class by staring out the window and trying to identify every car that drove by. Finally the bell rang signaling the end of class and I literally shot out of my seat and threw my bag over my shoulder in an attempt to be the first one outside. I made it to the statue and merely leaned against it in relief, I know I could've waited for Sean in the classroom but I didn't really want to run the risk of people seeing me talk to him in school.

I saw his mane of unruly black hair bobbing towards me through the sea of endless blondes and brunettes of the school and almost wanted to chuckle at how out of place it was. He finally reached me and I made sure my face was arranged into an indifferent look "shall we?" I said motioning at the sidewalk to indicate that we would be walking to my house. I had a car but I preferred walking to driving any day of the week, escpecially when it was so nice outside. I lead the way towards the north end of town, I only lived a couple of blocks away so I knew it wouldn't take long but for some reason the silence was bothering me. "So...uh...that math homeworks crap, huh?" I tried and peered over at him for the first time since we had been partnered in class.

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GothLoliKitty

{ I'd ~~die~~ if you only met my eyes }

Math was never easy for me.

Maybe it was the memorization, or the numbers themselves. It just didn't add up in my head. Haha, bad pun. But seriously, math sucked. And Claire sat two seats ahead of me. I kept my gaze down until she passed my desk, trying not to glance up. But I stole a glance anyway to see that she'd taken one back at me. Her expression was nonchalant, which was expected. It was merely an acknowledgment of my existence. Which was more attention than I'd ever gotten. I felt a little honored. Most kids didn't get that much from her.

You could tell if someone was failing or not from their backs. The ones hunched over, pencils scratching, they knew what they were doing. Shoulders slumped, pencil lingering, meant they hadn't a clue, but were pretending to understand so the teacher wouldn't call them out. Then there were the kids who leaned back while they wrote. Trying to look smooth; secret geniuses. Lastly, the kids who did what I did (which weren't many; they didn't want anything like me). We did absolutely nothing, even if we had the potential to do it and understand it well. I just hated math, math hated me, so why bother trying to understand? I couldn't learn if I wasn't relatively interesting in the topic. My brain couldn't function that way. I could easily understand if I wanted to. Which, of course, I didn't.

The teacher gave a a look of deep disappointment as he passed my desk. Probably the fifth expression this period; exactly the same each time. I didn't care. Teachers just didn't like giving Fs, I figured. Especially math teachers who thought that everyone was supposed to be good at it.

{Will you pause to ~~break~~ my heart? }

_________________

Recent Movies: Up ; What Happens In Vegas ; The Road To El Dorado ; The Haunting In Connecticut ; Donnie Darko (yes, again xD)

BrokenDreams

The lunch disaster was soon over and I was happy to escape the cafeteria and my friends for once. I made my way down the hall and for once I was glad I had gym, this week was volleyball week which I hated but at least now I would have something to take my frustration out on. I changed out quickly and even went so far as to ignore the rest of the girls who weren't stupid enough to talk to me without being talked to first, I had class with pretty much all of the people who were below me in this school but I didn't mind. It was the one class where I could be myself and not have to talk about anything superficial like dances, hair, nails, or clothes all I had to worry about was getting as sweaty as possible.

The teacher went on and on about my performance this class period, I had managed the most vicious game of volleyball in the history of this prep school apparently. How could I explain that I was imagining Jason's head everytime I hit the ball? I got in the shower to clean all of the sweat off and barely made it out before the bell rang to signal my last class. Admittedly my worst subject...Trig...I groaned as I entered the class and took my seat a few places up from Sean, I made sure my eyes roamed over his desk that way I didn't have to worry about any awkward questions until we were headed to my house later. Trig went by quickly but the homework that we had to work on the last 20 minutes of class was making my brain ache, I sighed and ran a hand through my hair as a question stumped me for the fifth time. There was no way I was going to maintain my grade in this class without a tutor, but I didn't know anyone that could tutor me without having an aneurism if I even talked to them.

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GothLoliKitty

{ I'd ~~die~~ if you only met my eyes }

I turned my music all the way back up, drown out the idiot, Jason, hitting on Claire. But just as the song began, my iPod died. Shit. I'd forgotten to charge it last night. I let out a string of curse words under my breath and wrapped the headphones around it to stick back in my pocket. Claire's table, being only a few tables away (it was a small cafeteria), I could hear the entire conversation. I kept my eyes on the table, staring at words people had carved into it. I didn't want to look up. She was talking about me. And the strange thing was, she wasn't laughing or agreeing with Jason in any way whatsoever.

She was standing up for me.

I couldn't believe it. Why the hell would popular Claire stand up for a freak like me? Then she explained the project and needing my brain intact. I had a feeling that it wasn't the only reason, but I shoved the hope down, suffocating it. That had to be the only reason. And when she turned him down for prom, well, kind of did, I felt satisfied. Get what he deserved. Karma. What goes around comes around, jackass.

As he left the table, I glanced up, but seeing all the girls at the table looking at me beside Claire, I looked away. I waited out the rest of the lunch period. And when the bell rang, I was gone.

Biology was a bitch.

Why did I care what proteins were made of anyway? I didn't care how much energy is stored in each amino acid. Period. I ate when I was hungry, the end. Well, except at lunch. I refused to eat. Too many people watching. No one to eat with. And what was more lonely than eating alone and being snickered at? Yeah, pretty much nothing.

Only one more period to go. Just get this one and the next over with. Then you can hyperventilate about going to Claire's house. And shit, now I was thinking about it. Which, obviously made me more nervous and jittery. The kid in the desk beside me gave me funny looks as I tapped my fingers impatiently on my desktop. "You on drugs, freak?" they smirked. 'Shut the fuck up', I wanted to say. But I kept quiet.

{ Will you pause to ~~break~~ my heart? }

_________________

Recent Movies: Up ; What Happens In Vegas ; The Road To El Dorado ; The Haunting In Connecticut ; Donnie Darko (yes, again xD)

BrokenDreams

My eyes easily spotted Sean across the lunch room getting bullied by Jason and some of his asshole friends, among all of the higher social clique Jason annoyed me the most. He was the only one that I despised among them and he was the second most reverred, king to my queen, or that's how he wished it would be. I saw him swaggering over to our table and sight in frustration before grabbing a hair tie and pretending to be engrossed into pulling my hair up into a good ponytail with no bumps. I was determined to avoid any attention from him at all costs, for some reason seeing him bully Sean had annoyed me and that made me feel wierd. I had never acknowledged the kid before so why should I care if he got picked on, the fact that I had even noticed made me want to lash out at someone.

Jason swaggered over and leaned on the table giving the girls all a good look at the muscles that rippled down his body through the wifebeater that he wore under his lettermens jacket. It was an ugly combination in my eyes but the girls all seemed pleased with it and I knew better to go against the pack in such a huge way as to criticize their hunks wardrobe. The girls all swooned but his gaze was locked on me, I on the other hand was examining my ponytail in the back of a tablespoon and ignoring him completely, even him clearing his throat didn't seem to distract me from smoothing a lump in my hair. "Claire" he finally snapped out and I let my frost colored eyes travel over to him with a raised brow "what?" I asked clearly annoyed and not bothering to hide it. "I was just wondering if you were ever going to answer my invite to prom? I mean I know it's a while a way but I wanted to know...soon" he said but his tone was more respectful now. If you knew what was good for you, you never made me mad surrounded by girls, it was so easy to turn them on boys when they were outnumbered like Jason and his cronies.

I sighed at his question and shrugged "I don't know yet, I mean, I like to keep my options open. Ya know?" I asked him with a sweet smile. He looked immediately sulky and shifted uncomfortably, it was obvious that he wasn't used to such an answer "besides if you keep pestering my project partner then I would say that would be a definite no" I regretted the sentence ever slipping out of my mouth the moment I said it. I hadn't even meant to say it but the damage was done and Jason's eyes flashed in anger "the emo freak" he said incredulously, I rolled my eyes trying to play it off cool. "Yes the emo freak, Jason. I happen to need his brain intact if I'm going to get an A and I don't need you giving him amnesia and putting him in the hospital so that I have to do it on my own" I snapped. Jason seemed to understand and his dull features registered comprehension "oh...I thought...well nevermind" he said smiling again in that oafish sort of way he had "well see ya later babes" he said and strutted off with his cronies. I knew that Sean had heard the conversation and I spent the rest of lunch stubbornly avoiding his gaze.

((I know I changed her picture but I just like this one better.))

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GothLoliKitty

{ I'd ~~die~~ if you only met my eyes }

"Uh, later," I mumbled after she was gone, throwing my backpack over my shoulder. Crap. Lunchtime. Probably the worse part of the day for me, since I sat alone. And got snickered at by every girl, pushed around by every guy. They never threw punches, they were too goody-goody for that. Can't get suspended if you want to get an athletic scholarship to some Ivy League school. I took a stop at my locker, tossing books in, pulling some out for my next few classes. I didn't really have that many books to carry around, so technically I could just carry them all day. But why do that when you can waste a few extra minutes instead of hurry to the cafeteria to be the center of negative attention?

It was a curious thing that people paid so much attention to me. At my old school, my group of friends and I were invisible. No one gave a shit about me. Maybe they cared because I was different. Something interesting. I was an alien from the planet Mars as far as the prep kids were concerned. And I was a test subject. Let's all push the emo kid as far as he can go, eh?

I sat at my usual table in the back corner, getting glares and smirks as I passed tables. I didn't connect eyes with anyone. That cause problems. I'd learned to tune it out, ignore it all. I stuck my headphones in and cranked up the music on my ipod. Just tune it out. I laid my head on my arms to wait out the lunch period.

But after a few minutes of listening to Atreyu, a jock grabbed my hood and pulled me so I was sitting. I didn't look at him. "So emo kid? Listening to your pussy emo music? About slitting your wrists, blacking your eyes? Hawthorne Heights crap?" I was amazed he knew who Hawthorne Heights even was. God knew where he'd found out. Probably wikipedia so he could taunt me. "Just fucking kill yourself already. Spare us the drama, freak." His friends laughed as he pushed my head down, and I smacked my forehead against the tabletop. I could hear them giving him high-fives as they walked away, satisfied. Like they'd down something heroic. Assholes.

{ Will you pause to ~~break~~ my heart? }

_________________

Recent Movies: Up ; What Happens In Vegas ; The Road To El Dorado ; The Haunting In Connecticut ; Donnie Darko (yes, again xD)

BrokenDreams

I was really relieved when he picked my house, at least there I would be on common gournd and besides my parents were gone on a trip at the moment. I shrugged "whatever" I said nonchalantly as possible and shouldered my bag on my thin shoulder. When he suggested our meeting place I nodded my head in agreement, truthfully I hated that old statue. It was tacky and ugly in my opinion but hey the school wasn't known for being modest or sensible with the money they made off of us poor students.

I turned away from him "later" I threw over my shoulder and went to meet the group of girls waiting for me at the door. They all immediately started bombarding me with questions about how happy I was with the partnership and such, I only shrugged "it's not like I care as long as I get a good grade" I said. The girls immediately all fell into giggles, a twinge of annoyance went through me at their easy laughter but I smiled despite that. Appearances, appearances I reminded myself. The lunchroom was packed but lucky for me I had cutting privledges thanks to all of my friends and I slid in to the front of the line. I was grabbed a soy burger and some fries for today and took my tray to sit at the usual table, I saw my friends roll their eyes at my choice. I waved a ketchup covered fry at them "I don't eat anything that bleeds" I reminded them before eating the french fry. A slight commotion caught my eye across the cafeteria and I turned my attention to that curiously.

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GothLoliKitty

{I'd ~~die~~ if you only met my eyes }

I had to agree. For an art/design class, it was a stupid project. Leave the mom/dad crap for life science. But I said nothing, knowing she wouldn't want me to agree on anything but the necessary project requirements. Personal opinions were things that one didn't want in common with the lower rep students. And hanging out afterschool? Well, even for a project, it was definitely going to knock her down a few points in social status. Honestly, it would do nothing to tarnish her current status. If the school were a monarchy, she'd be queen most definitely.

I thought about it pretty seriously for a moment. Her house or mine? Well, me going to her house sounded like a bad idea, but her coming to mine? Probably worse. She'd never live that down. Not that me entering her home would be much better. "Uh, I suppose yours." I didn't explain myself. I was sure she'd understand the logic.

The bell for the end of the class period ended, and the teacher announced the due date once again: one week from today. Did she seriously expect us to get all that crap done in a week? Crazy teacher. I slid the papers into my backpack and turned to Claire. "So, I'll meet you at the front of the school or something? By the lion statue?" The school's mascot was a lion, so of course they needed a bronze statue to show off its glory. Stupid prep school. Had to be fancy and thorough with nearly everything.

{ Will you pause to ~~break~~ my heart? }

_________________

Recent Movies: Up ; What Happens In Vegas ; The Road To El Dorado ; The Haunting In Connecticut ; Donnie Darko (yes, again xD)